SPANDEX!! Now in "you're a fat ass" sizes!!  

Well I was going to write this up yesterday (Sunday) when I was only seconds from prying my eyeballs from their lovely little sockets. But instead the shear trauma of the situation forced me to play WOW and so I got side tracked, so here we are! I was sitting up at A Caribou, after having spent a lovely brunch with my family celebrating Fathers day, enjoying a cup of coffee and doing some office work (doing office work on a Sunday is whole other story). The Caribou is in a busy shopping center in the heart of south Charlotte and the latest past time for all the aging adults there is cycling.

Now don't get me wrong, I fully support anyone trying to improve their health with activities. However, irresponsible use of Spandex I cannot condone. So I'm enjoying my coffee and around the corner comes this lady on her cycle (that probably costs about 1.5-2 grand) FULLY decked out in spandex. Spandex shirt, shorts, even little sock booti thingys, and this is not a slender lady by any strech of the imagination. She has to weight at least 250 lbs. (perhaps more). In my twisted little head I hear the spandex screaming like some Vietnam Srgt. instructing his troops in the middle of a horrific fire fight. And it goes a little something like this. . . . :) "HOLD YOUR GROUND MEN!!! We have come too far to turn back now! We MUST hold our ground here and save the world from the horrors that are to be unleashed should we fail." Needless to say I'm giggling to myself by now and trying not to dry heave at the same time, quite the predicament!

Now I'm sure she read Lance Armstrong's nifty little book. She probably joined an online community that middle age women can chat with one another how the saddle is uncomfortable on their collective fat lethargic asses, hell, she has probably even picked up some of the lingo about her cycle while hanging out at the local cycle shop. But no matter how much she rides, that spandex she is wearing is NOT going to help her reduce her drag or make her more aerodynamic.

My point in all of this is that Spandex is a privilege not a right. People who are fat should not wear spandex under any circumstance. I don't care what the reason is. If the same fat ass simply painted themselves with body paint and tried to go out in public they would be slapped with a public indecency ticket. When a fat person wears spandex you can see all sorts of things that you should no one should ever have to endure.

I think I'll bitch about cyclists in general in my next post, stay tuned!